7QT – In Which We Learn Etiquette From A Two-Year-Old

Linking up with Kelly for another edition of Seven Quick Takes!

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It often seems that society these days has forgotten the basic rules of etiquette. Fortunately, my 2-year-old Alex is here to give us a refresher. Without further ado:

Alex’s Rules for Polite and Proper Human Interaction

– 1 –

When leaving any situation or friend, stare stonily at them as they wave cheerily at you and say their goodbyes. Pay absolutely no attention to anyone suggesting that you should say goodbye now. Then, once your friends are good and gone and you can see them driving down the street, break into a cherubic smile, wave at the departing car, and chirp, “Bye!”

 

– 2 –

But we don’t want people to think you are rude and unfriendly! So other times, if they ask for a hug or high five, go ahead and surprise them with a kiss full on the lips. “Thanks for the checkup, Doctor! Mwah! See you in six months!”

 

– 3 –

Always help daddy with the yardwork. It’ll make him happy, AND make the job take twice as long, which means twice the fun for everyone. You’re welcome, daddy.

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– 4 –

If you find you took too big a bite of something, spit it out into your hand and then offer to share with the person next to you.

– 5 –

If the person next to you declines the food you are offering, just shove it into their mouth or smear it on their face.

– 6 –

Always offer to carry someone’s umbrella for them, because umbrellas are AMAZING, and are especially fun to use as walking sticks or canes. If it starts raining, don’t be fooled—they are asking for their umbrella back because they are selfish and want it for themselves. You hang onto it tightly. No need to open it up.

 

– 7 –

If you’re not sure how to make friends with a new kid at the playground, just walk near them and stare. Stare hard.

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Works every time. (If by “works” you mean, “creeps the other kid out so that they run away and you get whatever toy they were just playing with”).

 

And there you have it, folks. Now go out into the world and put your social graces to good use.

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